Ministering Angels
Thursday, February 23, 2006
It's not what you want that makes you fat, it's what you get
By Sarita
So remember that. I sure do. Considering my mother has told me that all my life. And it's not so much about physical appearance and weight (lest you think me cruel and insensitive) but not needing everything that I want at this moment. That has been stellar advice that has come up repeatedly throughout my life. Something I recall when I get frustrated because nothing seems to work out according to my time tables. Or does, and then I realize that maybe what I thought I wanted so desperately isn't all it was cracked up to be.
I know this is deep stuff, or at least for the shallow minded such as myself, but I have been reflecting on such things quite a bit as of late. So what do I want right now? To be happy, to get on with school already, to find a new apartment, and find means to purchase a new camera. So I can start taking pictures again.
There was indeed a time when I was restless, (okay still are on occasion) that I wanted to get on with my life in regards to.....stuff. I've learned a lot about going with the flow. And I (gag) believe that everything happens for a purpose. Be it good or bad, intentional or accidental, it is for our growth and understanding.
I occasional falter in this thinking and wish for more. Now. But as my beautiful, witty, and oh so wise mother would say "If wishes were fishes, we'd all have a fry." And ain't it the truth?
Monday, February 13, 2006
If you'd be mine, I'd walk the line...
By Sarita
So I just realized that I start most posts with "So...". So I need to stop that.So I tend to get a little obsessive about certain things (not like obsessive stalker, no worries, more like I like something and I kinda sorta overdo it). For instance, after seeing the Johnny Cash tribute "I Walk The Line" (in which Joaquin Phoenix was superb) I went and bought the Johnny Cash Gold Collection as well as Johnny's Gospel Collection and have been listening to these pretty much non-stop ever since. And can I just tell you? I heart Johnny Cash. Yes I do. And I save the gospel collection for Sunday listening. I find it inspirational. And could care less if my roommate thinks me strange for doing so.
Anyhow. There is something I suddenly love about his music. My father has always been a fan, but I never paid much attention to it. His music is raw, the subject matter real. Sometimes suprisingly simple, and so real. There is something about it that I love.
I have become particularly fond of the song "I Walk The Line." And I'm sad to say that I think it has everything to do with being alone (relationship-wise) yet again on Valentine's Day. Now before you think me whiny and self pity-ing, let me remind you that it is not so much pathetic as hopeful. I know this sounds sappy and annoyingly like the hopeful optimistic that I am. So hang with here.
I used to get occasionally weepy and pathetic over the matter, but no longer. I'm patient. No sense in getting myself worked up over something that obviously will not change overnight. I have something to do on Valentine's Day (granted it's either a service project, or valentine's party thrown by some delightful Cuban refugees, but I'm stoked all the same.) This year, there is clarity over the matter and like I said, hope for the future.
And at the risk of making you all gag, I will tell you what this has to do with Johnny Cash. The aspiration of someone that will someday walk the line for me and vice versa. I find it very easy to be true....Because you're mine, I walk the line. Or if you'd be mine, I'd walk the line?
You can stop rolling your eyes now.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Friday, February 10, 2006
Pink is my favorite color...
By Sarita
(Let me premise this by saying that you are in no regards obligated to read the following. This has turned into my own soul searching personal rantings, and I in no way guarantee this will be inspired, enlightening, let alone enjoyable. Enjoy.)
Okay, so pink really isn't my favorite color. I lied. Well, it's not anymore. Once upon a time, I wore nothing but pink frilly girly things. Including leatards. with pink tights. And purple leg warmers. Doing what can only be described as some sort of distorted interpretive dance with my ribbon dancer. Those were the days. I was a die-hard GIRL.
In those days, my favorite form of entertainment was Jem and She-ra. I had the She-ra action figures. My friend Bradley had the He-man ones, and Skeletore's castle. I loved She-ra, but think I kinda missed the boat with that one. Bradley was constantly rescuing She-ra from Skeletore's castle because my She-ra was a damsel in distress. I made up sappy dramatic love songs. Some of which my mother still has scribbled on random pieces of paper. I was a daydreamer, and fantasized of my prince charming. I lived in quite the make-believe world.
Since then, things have changed a bit. Don't get me wrong, I still live in a make-believe world, but am not quite the girly girl that I once was. I now rarely wear pink (despite the fact that it is somehow supposed to make you look attractive to men...something about being vulnerable). I wear a lot of chocolate brown (it's the new black) and navy blues. I don't let myself daydream, because it usually chocks up to ensuing disappointment, and who has the time? I gag at ultra-dramatic sappy love stories. I now see She-ra as an independent woman that I aspire to be (not really) and Jem is my idol (a business woman and rock star?).
It's not that I have lost all my girliness. I still like to look pretty. But am somehow ashamed by that. Should I be? I say no! It is high time I embrace who I am. Yes, I am going out today to find an adult version of my pink leotard and legwarmers (ok, not really). I am just tired of feeling like I need to pretend to not care about these things when really I kinda do. There are at present three (count em) bridal magazines bought at random sitting on my couch with earmarked pages of dresses that are awesome (and before you think me a completely lost cause, I have helped plan lots of weddings and being a wedding planner is my secret ambition....shhh....what's the saying....6 times a bridesmaid? Oh no, it's always, I'm 6X a bridesmaid).
Yeah, so girls of the universe unite!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
A humbling experience.....
By Sarita
So while most days I like to think that I am SuperWoman and in such can conquer the world and don't need no stinkin man to validate my existence, on other's I am proven wrong, well partially anyway.
When one lives as a single woman and grows accustomed to doing things for oneself, one gets to feeling pretty darn independent. Until one realizes that there are some things that one simply cannot do for oneself without significant bodily harm.
Recently, I purchased new furniture, leaving my precious DI couch with no where to go and frankly in the way while cramping the style of my apartment. The couch was planned to be donated to refugee families that needed it, but there remained one obstacle to overcome. A vehicle capable of hauling such an item, I have not. My brother in law sold his truck, and where does that leave me? To top it off, I live at high altitudes that require a precarious, steep, staircase to access the apartment. On several occasions, roommate and I stated that "Heh, we can do this, no problem, and yet it was never done because in the back of our minds, we knew we needed help but are way to proud to admit it.
In true LDS story fashion, something entirely unexpected happened. A mission friend called up for some obscure reason and before hanging up asked, "hey, is there anything you guys need?" So we sheepishly joked, "Not unless you know someone with a truck..."
He said he might, and of course, we never followed up, and the couch sat where it was. This morning, dear boy and friend showed up with a truck and (with what looked like) such ease, made their way through the obstacle course with couch. I stood idly by, helpless.
I know this sounds like a pertty minor thing, but I really am accustomed to doing most everything for myself, and don't like it when I can't.
I felt like such a girl. Not a bad thing. But makes you feel a little vulnerable, which explains why single women get into super independent woman mode.
I was humbled. I still hate asking for help and stuff though. You can't take that away from me.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Enough Said
By Sarita
Went to FHE last night in an attempt to fulfill my calling.Bishop took my hands in his (as he usually does)......
Tells me they are freezing......
And starts rubbing them.......
He then tells me that I am just stunning (he tells everyone this)......
And have great blonde hair (has a way of making you feel like a million bucks).....
And that I'm one of those SMART blondes (debatable).......
And just before he walked away.....
He looks deep into my eyes and says......
"You need a man".....
Enough said.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
The Unthinkable
By Sarita
I did it. And I realize it is an inexcusable act. But I'm going to give you excuses all the same.
Yesterday, I actually went online, and designed a wedding ring. Why? Not sure, except for these 2 very valid reasons: 1) I suddenly have a plethora of friends who are either engaged or almost engaged and so rings have become a popular topic of conversation and 2) because while talking about said rings with almost engaged friend, I described what I thought would be the ideal ring and she responded by leaning forward, bracing herself with both hands on the Cafe Rio table standing between us saying "Really? That sounds HID-E-OUS." Gotta love those brutally honest friends. So I really had no choice but to see what a pear shaped diamond (that I saw on a friends solitaire engagement ring that had been passed down from grandparents and loved) on a plain yellow gold band (because I have made that oh-so-difficult transition from silver to gold (which I swore I would never do no longer wear silver). I am a true product of the eighties. Out of curiosity, I have mentioned the idea to a couple friends,sisters, and they agreed that it would be hideous. I had to check it out, because it seemed so pretty in my minds eye. Turns out, they were all 100% correct. But the round cut and plain gold band, CLASS-EY. I promise.
Why the need to divulge this information? I suppose because I felt guilty. Like one of those marriage obsessed girls that have this picture perfect idea in their head and will settle for nothing less. Truth is, I'm in no hurry to marry the wrong person and can definitely wait. And when it comes down to it, I'll like, or learn to live with, whatever ring I may or may not get.
One would hope that the proposer would have the sense to at least get an idea of what I like and completely detest beforehand, but beggars can't be choosers.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Heh...I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop...
By Sarita
The absolute worst part about being single.....drumroll pah-lease. Having noone there to take care of you while you are sick. To tell you that you're pushing yourself too hard, take a break, take the day off, get some sleep, take some vitamin C, drink this orange juice I freshly squeezed for you, or hot tea, or homemade chicken soup. Okay, in all reality, I can't remember anytime someone freshly squeezed orange juice for me while sick, let alone made homemade chicken soup. Still, my darling mother would tell me to take care of myself and show all kinds of sympathy and remind me when I needed to take care of myself. While I love that my little kitty is all tender and cuddly when I'm not feeling good, (I AM the crazy old cat lady ....in training) she is not physically nor intellectually capable of placing the back of her hand against my cheek and feeling my glands and ask if I've been drinking enough water/getting enough sleep/etc. It's a small thing, but something I long for all the same. Problem being that to this day I need someone to validate my need to take a sick day. I actually call my mom to run the idea past her if noone else has told me to take the day off even if it's pretty obvious that I should. So, here I sit, at my desk, feeling slightly miserable, but sucking it up. Especially since I haven't worked a full day this week due to other car/health/hair butchering issues. So I am drinking tea, orange juice, water, took my multivitamin, and thinking REALLY positive thoughts. Send me good vibes.