Ministering Angels
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Deception
By Sarita
Alright, I just needed an outlet to get the following off my mind.How is it some people can be so deceptive? I'm talking about leading double lives. And deceiving those supposedly closest to them, namely their spouse? This occurrence has seemed to be prevalent in the lives surrounding mine. Especially lately. Is it just me? Or have we in general leaned towards this tendency more and more as time goes by?
Not counting the weddings of my immediate family, I have been a bridesmaid 4 times. As of this past weekend, 3 of those weddings have ended (or very soon will be ending) in divorce. And there are additional friends who have experienced pretty much the same thing. For pretty much the same reasons. Some of the specifics may vary, but it all boils down to deception and addiction. Of these three, I knew the spouses very well. In fact was there when the couples met for two of them. I was there during their courtship, helped plan the weddings. I consider myself a good judge of character, generally. And each of them has fooled me as well. It is a sad occurrence, and I have watched those dear to me suffer because of it. Some to rise above it and carve out a wonderful life for themselves, and others have let themselves become defined by it.
The most recent and upsetting one happened this last week, to a cousin very dear to me. A sweet, trusting girl who I love. I actually introduced her to her husband. Helped him pick out the ring. After some 6 years of marriage, she comes to find out that he was never what he seemed. Despite his charismatic personality and sweet and giving nature that won over everyone around him. He was overconfensating for some pretty big demons he had been hiding since way before the wedding. A literal Mark Hacking. I'm just grateful that she is alive and despite their efforts, they were unable to have children in this time.
My heart aches for her. She has been so strong, and at the same time, is broken, betrayed, and somewhat helpless. As these events unfolded this past weekend, her husband happened to come to my front door. I am usually the queen of treating difficult situations diplomaticly. When I saw his face, I blurted out a hello, and couldn't find any other words. On some level I felt betrayed as well. I had accepted him as part of my extended family, and was betrayed for her.
I believe that some in these situations knowingly ignore signs of danger, or naively disregard them. Others go in with there eyes wide open, only to come to horrible realizations much later.
So what triggers this need to put up a false angelic front? Pressure to succeed? For acceptance? Perfection? Material possessions? I discussed this all with my father and he pointed out that things are not as they once were. He and my mother married very young, as many have and still do. He explained that he feels their is more of a risk involved today than even at his time. The world, and the adversary has this grasp on many, distorting their priorities. Even in an effort to do what one knows is correct, this distortion takes a turn that gradually leads to self destruction. A deception even to ones self.
He thanked me for always have such a clear vision of what is important. That I do not measure my self worth by what others may view as successes, but by what I know to be of value. He gives me too much credit, but am thankful that I have been taught these things in my youth. I only pray that those who are victims of such deception can see these things too in dark hours and use such injustice to grow as individuals.
It was ironic, or perhaps divinely planned, that she came to my family's ward on Sunday, as another such woman close to us spoke of agency and how our decisions effect others. She had experienced a terrible episode by her ex-husband in front of their two small children hours before she spoke, and discreetly referenced such challenges in her life. Her words and emotions were composed well. Mine not so much. For the first time in a long time, I wept. My dad leaned over and whispered how brave she was to speak of those things while we couldn't even keep our composure. Afterwards, my cousin and I embraced. She sobbed, as did I. I wish I could take that pain away from her. Why must such people be left to prey on the innocent and trusting?
I'll stop now. Just needed to get this all out in some form. It's choppy and probably base and mellow dramatic. But it helps.