Ministering Angels

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

It would be nice to think that since I was 14, times have changed. Relationships have become more sophisticated...

By Sarita

...Females less cruel. Skins thicker. Insects more developed. -Rob Gordan, High Fidelity.

I have recently fallen victim to unjust flack in regards to my dealing with those of the opposite gender. So yeah. There's this guy. (This is all to be read in your most valley girl of accents, so don't disappoint.) And we've never really met. It's the whole he's in my sister's ward far far away where there are not many single LDS prospects and sister thinks of poor Single Sarah every time she sees him...so it's destined to be, right? Not so much.

We've written and even talked, and while I was copecetic to the idea at first, I have come to the realization that we are unbelievably incapatible. He seems to have much going for him, but is way too letter of the law for this gray areaed girl. I mean, he complained about his bishop recommending the PG-13 rated Saints and Soldiers. Bless his little heart. And seems determined to make something happen with me, from several thousand miles away. Not seeing it. ANYWAY. Boy will be in the area this weekend for major family things, wants to drive 2 hours out of his way to take me out. While I am flattered, despite the fact that he's never seen me in person, I don't want him to waste precious family time on lil uninterested me. Sounds fair no? Apparently not.

Why is it that I am getting scorn from all sides? Am I really as cruel as they say? Why is it that I should just "give him a chance"? I think that more cruel. I am all about sincerity, and try to avoid expressing more interest than I feel. Which is why I have way backed off on the emails, along with other correspondence. And today will let him know that he is better off dedicating this trip to the fam. I don't want to be one of THOSE GIRLS guys complain about but apparently I'm screwed either way. I either reject him before there is really anything to reject, or I go out on a date...which indicates the possibility of love, and then sit back and watch the ensuing disappointment/heartbreak. Which sounds more humane? What's the kosher protocol here? And why is it that the more I ignore him, the more persistent he gets?

I thought about just letting him know that I avoid PG-13's as well because I much prefer an R rating and wait while he slowly backs away humming I Am A Child of God with his index fingers formed in an X in the air shielding him from my apparent airborne evil.

Is it so terrible that I find his "righteousness" and extreme dedication to missionary work a turnoff? I require someone more balanced. And am apparently going to hell.

25comments

25 Comments

at 8/30/2005 6:29 PM  Kelly said...

Sarita, I was supposed to go out with this guy in the Spring who wooed me long distance. I named him Churchy McChurch. I think you have to find someone who works well with you, obviously. If he really really really wants to come and won't say no, then go out. But I would probably just tell him you're not feeling it (in a nicer way) and leave it at that.

 

at 8/30/2005 10:53 PM  Anonymous said...

1. If you think he is too creepy and gives you an unsafe vibe, don't go out with him.
If not, then remember this:
The is NO way any two people feel exactly the same about all issues. I'm married, and my husband agree on many things, but have very different opinions on other things.
Are you really sure that it is a problem? Why not meet him and see what happens. You might connect in other ways, and live happily ever after with you seeing R rated war movies without him.

 

at 8/30/2005 11:17 PM  Anonymous said...

I did the whole "wrote some guy I never met, because my friend wanted me to" thing and she was convinced we were going to get married. I did go on a date (he only had to drive an hour) and 'ho-hum'. I never wrote him after that and he never called me up again, so the feeling was mutual. Perhaps after meeting he will back off and the whole breakoff thing will be less uncomfortable all around.

But if you don't want to go, don't!

 

at 8/30/2005 11:18 PM  Dirk said...

Sarita, I'd have to say go out once with the poor sap, just make sure you come to the door in a skimpy outfit, and tell him you have to stop off at the bar first on the way to wherever he's planning on taking you. If he's taking you to a movie, try really really hard to convince him to see some really hard R movie instead of Herbie Fully Loaded or what ever other G rated flick he has in mind. If all that still doesn't disuade him lead the conversation into the various pranks, practical jokes and jokes you've pulled on your friends in the Celestial Room of the Temple.

In other words, I think you've got the right idea on how to either disuade him or see how determined to persue you he really is. If he's really determined and survives all that you throw at him (to include both of Zatarra's suggestions), then maybe you ought to give him another thought.

Personally I love to tease the Hyper-religious. I love to ask those who wouldn't dream of turning on the TV on the Sabbath how much cash they've got riding on the Superbowl each year.

Have fun testing this guy. Oh, and you might mention that you've been trying to get a copy of the original R rated cut of Saints and Soldiers.

 

at 8/31/2005 1:11 AM  juanita said...

Very good, I know what you mean about balance and someone being too righteous, even though righteousness is a good thing. I love your idea about saying you don't watch PG13 because you watch R movies! Hope it turns out ok. Nita

 

at 8/31/2005 7:49 AM  Stephen said...

Am I really as cruel as they say

Well, you've spent some time at long distance with the guy and have decided to dump him without even a visit because of a comment in passing about a PG-13 movie.

Girls diss guys all the time and dump them proactively, it is nature. If you really feel you can't have a good time, that's life and he probably needs to embrace it. But there are lots worse things than qualms about PG-13 ...

 

at 8/31/2005 10:33 AM  cat said...

As someone who has bent to the peer pressure 'to give a guy a chance' sometimes, and sometimes not, I say to just say no. You know that you aren't interested, it's better to let both of you move on to someone who might be.

It's a waste of time and effort when you already know you don't want anything (romantic anyway) from him. People can mind thier own business, or if they are that invested in him getting a date, you could set them up with him.

And it sounds like the pg-13 comment was just an example of a general attitude that you know doesn't work for you. Follow your instincts on this one. You are not obligated to go out with someone just because you are both single and pushy people say you have to.

 

at 8/31/2005 11:13 AM  Sarita said...

Way to pull through guys! I feel like you all are Ann Flanders and I'm Single and Searching in Salt Lake.

I am not basing decisions on simple things like what movies he won't watch, but like Nita mentioned, it is just an example of a the whole or extent that I have gotten to know. He would be coming from a great distance at a great inconvience to himself to find a girl that isnt interested. It's all about compatibility. (We really have nothing to talk about). Comon! I have more integrity than that.

I will let you all know which strategy I use to let him down easy. Thanks for the stellar advice. I was thinking of telling him I met someone....but that would mean I need to actually meet someone in the next couple days. Wish me luck!

 

at 8/31/2005 1:41 PM  Mary said...

Sarita,

Try Walmart.

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=13684790&postID=112543309829701505

 

at 8/31/2005 1:55 PM  Sarita said...

Mary,

I really should. Last minute Science project items $35. Meeting a cute, sweet WalMart employee at 3am that sends you flowers the next day....priceless. Only those things don't happen to me. I don't know how many times I have to smile and flirt with the produce boy at Smith's before he makes a move. Kidding. Kind of.

I do have a friend who's mother gave the produce boy at a grocery store in Provo her daughters number and they are now married. I'll keep at it. :)

 

at 8/31/2005 5:58 PM  fMhLisa said...

Cut him off now. The PG13 Saints thing was a deal breaker. For Sure.

 

at 8/31/2005 8:47 PM  Anonymous said...

All the single girls near me seem to be hyper-religious (OK, a stereotype, I admit, but not without basis), so I'm pretty sure I know where you're coming from... I know the type. And I try to avoid it. Maybe you're passing on something wonderful, but you could say the same thing every time you pass by the Smiths or Wal-Mart employees you mentioned :) I vote for letting the guy down. No leading him on, just a flat, "Sorry, not interested. Thanks."

 

at 9/01/2005 2:19 AM  Mikie said...

To answer your questions:

1) Because you're single and everyone wants to marry you off

2) No you're not cruel for not being interested. Can't help that.

3) I think you already gave him a chance, you don't click, right? What are the odds that there will be a dramatic difference meeting in person?

4) Letting someone down sucks, but you're right. More humane to let him down before it goes any further.

5) Kosher? Whatever happens life will go on :) I don't see anything wrong with cutting it short. You're flattered but just not interested.

6) Maybe he thinks you're playing hard to get or worse, you're another "missionary" project for him and he views you as a challenge. You must be converted to the ways of not watching pg-13 movies, for example. Ick.

7) No. Balance is beautiful. Why on earth should you "settle"?

To make a long comment short (too late!), I just wanted to validate that you're not going to hell, you're not cruel or doing anything wrong if you don't go out with him. If anything, maybe turning this date down will send a clear message that you truly aren't interested. Eh?

 

at 9/01/2005 11:30 AM  Sarita said...

Update: for anyone moderately interested.

So wrote boy and let him know while I would be fine with getting together, I think it unfair for him to go out of his way to do so as the compatiblity meter is reading pretty low. He responded, admitted that he had this preconcieved notion of what we would be and asked if we could meet briefly after he flew in. Last night. So he stopped by and my previous notions were confirmed. Good guy, but we are definitely on different planes in just about every area possible. He mentioned that he had made plans to and his familly encouraged him to ditch them for much of his trip to spend time with me (which explains why he wanted me to go spend time with them, apparently I was in a relationship and had no idea). Glad I followed my gut and all ya'lls stellar advice on this one. So it's back to Single and Searching in Salt Lake!

 

at 9/01/2005 2:32 PM  Sarita said...

I agree, but what about the saying...tis better to loved and lost than to never have loved at all? So not to be applied in this case because nothing but a brotherly love would have ensued, but you know, it's the principle of the matter.

And right now I am totally Sleepless in Salt Lake. Perhaps I should move to Seatle...

 

at 9/01/2005 4:11 PM  Sarita said...

Hilarious.

Tear. I'm sorry, I will never say it again. I guess an owner of a lonely heart is better than owner of a broken heart.

Who would do such a thing to your heart Zatarra?

 

at 9/01/2005 5:22 PM  Sarita said...

Just as sad. See I'm too poor for an Ipod and so I guess I'm in the "never have loved at all" category

 

at 9/01/2005 6:45 PM  Sarita said...

No, we just visited for some 15-20 minutes and said I was sick (which wasnt a lie) and neede to get to bed. I felt like crap. I was very straight forward with him previously about how I felt and good thing too, because he admitted that there was this whole fantasized relationship going on in his head. This is why I never date.

 

at 9/01/2005 11:48 PM  Mikie said...

Whenever someone quotes me the ...tis better line in jest, I always face them and then with tears in my eye's say, "...try it"

MIB-- classic. As long as it wasn't that you had to give up your iPod in order to dedicate your life to your identity of sarcasticman... that would be tragic indeed.

See I'm too poor for an Ipod and so I guess I'm in the "never have loved at all" category

*tear*

he admitted that there was this whole fantasized relationship going on in his head. This is why I never date.

Wow. What's great about this is usually the stories I hear are the other way around where the girl is the one who gets carried away and the guy breaks it off because she's trying to move too fast. In this case he didn't even live here so there was nothing TO break off... double wow. At least he admitted it.

All I can say is way to go. :)

 

at 9/02/2005 12:11 PM  Sarita said...

Well, thanks. I do try.

In some areas I am the girliest of girls and others, not so much. So I guess that makes me an...it?

Scratch that.

 

at 9/02/2005 12:46 PM  Mikie said...

How about mature? Balanced? Level-headed?

I've never met an "it" before... (or HAVE I? hmmm...)

 

at 9/02/2005 4:08 PM  Sarita said...

Sloanie-

Balanced, level-headed? Maybe. But Mature may be going too far. Unless that's your tactful way of calling me old, then it's just rude. ;) But really thanks for thinking I could be so mature.

Zatarra- So you mean I got that haircut and new jeans last week for nothing? Oh well. At least they go with my three inch gold lamay heels. Yes! That everyone stares at horrified that I would wear such a thing. And at my height!

No worries, I am very much myself, just get sick of unenlightened people making fun of me for being myself.

 

at 9/02/2005 7:13 PM  Mikie said...

they knew who they were and what they loved, and they were not ashamed.

I think this is why so many people love Napoleon Dynamite. He is just who he is-- he's not pretending to be anyone else.

Surely someday I will be brave enough to throw off my American Eagle and Abercrombie clothing and dawn my Jedi Robes, and fake lightsaber, but until that day I shall be their protector and admirarar from afar...until then.

As long as you weren't the one making fun of those who did don their Jedi Robes and fake light sabers as they waited in line for the premier of Episode III while secretly being one of them at heart. ..

At least they go with my three inch gold lamay heels. Yes!

Ah, shoes. Is this why you can't afford an iPod? You are definitely not an it. We all have our priorities ;)

But Mature may be going too far. Unless that's your tactful way of calling me old, then it's just rude.

As opposed to immature? Hehe, I can't win.

 

at 9/27/2005 9:58 AM  jasmine said...

Wow, talk abotu craziness! So many comments I don't even know what I might have to add that would be beneficial. All I can say is...Napolean Dynamite rocks!

 

at 10/06/2005 2:40 PM  Anonymous said...

Is this blog still active? Hello? Hello? (tap tap) Is this thing on????

 

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