Ministering Angels

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Why Single Can Equal Fantastic

By Sarita

• Staying up late reading, without anyone knowing how irresponsible I am.
  
• Having a clean room when I feel like it; having a cluttered room when I feel like it.
• Not feeling responsible for anyone else's happiness.
• Having sole control of my budget.
• Indulging in guilt-free spontaneity, like yesterday's splurge on two gorgeous pair of shoes.
  

20comments

20 Comments

at 7/21/2005 11:39 PM  Anonymous said...

I'm a married man with two little kids. I deeply, deeply miss being able to sleep until noon on a Saturday. Also, the freedom of watching sports as I deem fit. I know I've seen this Sportscenter three times already, but I want to see it AGAIN! Also, listening to my stereo so loud I can't hear myself think. Also, long road trips. That's about it, I think.

 

at 7/22/2005 8:42 AM  Anonymous said...

Great post, Laura. And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to post as Anonymous. I clicked the wrong button.

 

at 7/22/2005 9:42 AM  Anonymous said...

I miss first kisses.

 

at 7/22/2005 11:25 AM  Sarita said...

First kisses are a good one. I was just relishing in the memory of an old one yesterday. Pathetic I know.

I love the freedom of getting up early and running while everything is quiet and new. I was thinking as I was running yesterday how difficult that would be with children. And that I can actually go back to school as planned and enjoy my great job!

Ditto on the reading thing, and buying ridiculous gold lamay shoes that make me six feet tall and are not congruous with walking at any excellerated speed. Awesome.

How's that?

 

at 7/22/2005 1:47 PM  Anonymous said...

At the risk of sounding like Pollyanna, I'm glad that I never had a choice about working. I had to support myself, so I had to do it. And weirdly, I'm one of the few people who actually enjoys my job (I'm lucky, I know), and what's more, when I think about it, I'm flabbergasted by the people it's brought me into contact with and the experiences it's opened up, that I'd never have had otherwise. Favorite example: I was working as a journalist, someone else called in sick, I had to take over his assignment, and ended up having dinner with the prime minister of Canada, just him, me, and a radio reporter. As a politician, he seems to be floundering, but as a dinner companion, he's quite a charmer!

But aside from that, because I know that varies from person to person, one of my friends was recently involved in a very ugly divorce, and another just became a widow, and neither of them has any idea what to do now, or how to earn the money to take care of herself or her children. I'm glad I'm employable. I'm glad that I know I can depend on myself.

 

at 7/22/2005 5:04 PM  Anonymous said...

I miss the freedoms I never even knew I had until I didn't have them anymore.

 

at 7/22/2005 5:07 PM  Anonymous said...

Like running to the grocery store to pick up a Friday night pint of ice cream without having to strap three kids into their car seats first. Like being able to eat the Friday night pint of ice cream without having to share it with three kids and their father. ;-)

 

at 7/22/2005 5:15 PM  Anonymous said...

Hurray, Robin. I think your comment really applies to women more than to men, but it's important. Being single breeds self-sufficiency and self-reliance. Not that I wish a death in the family or a bad marriage and divorce on anyone, but I think it's so important to be able to take care of yourself that way. Some people may never have to, but like you I'm glad I know that I can, and that I've had a chance to stretch those muscles.

Oh, and Paris rocks.

 

at 7/22/2005 5:31 PM  Anonymous said...

I love that I got to go to grad school. It was a mind-opening and mind-altering experience (and I mean that in the best way!) , and like Robin, I met a lot of really cool people from completely different worlds than mine. It took a lot of time and energy and money, and I personally never could have done it, or gotten my loans paid off, if I'd been looking after other people.

 

at 7/22/2005 7:00 PM  Andrea said...

I like being able to pick up and move across the country based on my decision alone :) I don't fear the thought having a partner in the decision, but it sure makes it simpler...

 

at 7/22/2005 11:20 PM  Dirk said...

What do I Love about being single? The freedom to act on a whim is nice, but the biggest blessing for me is that had my post mission goal of finding someone and getting married within a year of getting home, come true. I probably never would have joined the Military, and would not have had the opportunity for travel that I've had. I've been all over the world (Luckily not to Iraq yet) done incredible things and met incredible people.

I have never actively tried to remain single but being single has allowed me to do many things most married at age 22 Utahns never get to do.

Heck I probably wouldn't have ever found this blog. ;)

 

at 7/23/2005 6:54 PM  Anonymous said...

Reading is huge on my list of things that I love indulging as a single person. I also find that I have a lot of time to connect with family members either by email or phone calls. My brother gave me an assortment box of every day cards for my birthday last week. He said that he gave them to me because I am the social butterfly of the family :).

 

at 7/23/2005 10:34 PM  Sarita said...

John W. Redelfs,
Interesting comments. I don't believe either bloggers or commenters here kid themselves about the realities of being single vs. married. The vast majority of singles I know are quite keen on marriage, and if we could wave a magic marital wand and give us all great spouses, we would. Since we're here, though, we might as well enjoy the things that are unique to this kind of life. Like Annette's Friday night pint of ice cream. Mmmm.

 

at 7/23/2005 11:39 PM  RCH said...

I miss staying out all night with my sisters or girlfriends.

I miss sleeping in and having an occasional day off that's *really* a day off.

I miss traveling for reasons other than schlepping the kids to their grandparents.

I loved being single in my mid 20s because it gave me a chance to really come into my own, to figure out who I am and why I am, indeed, so tremendously fabulous. ;-) I felt so confident and alive and new, in a way that I don't (yet) now that I'm trying to figure out this motherhood thing.

 

at 7/25/2005 8:34 AM  Anonymous said...

I felt that I was ready to get married. So I did, to a returned missionary, in the temple.

I'd finished school. My husband had not. We made a deal. His part was to go to school so that he could get a job that would support a family. My part was to work and bring in money at least until he was through school. So I did.

While I was taking care of our children and holding down a job, he was having an affair. He left when I was pregnant with our youngest. I had no choice but to continue raising my children, alone, and to continue to work full time. So I did.

Would I rather be married? Not to my ex-husband, I assure you. To somebody else? Who knows. I have a life that works remarkably well for me. Is it easy? No, and I dread the crisis that could upset the balance I've achieved. BUT I have rediscovered freedoms and liberties and independence, and I'd even say happiness, and I'm going to be really really careful about jeopardizing that again. You can call me selfish or addicted if you want to (although frankly I think that's uninformed and judgmental) but don't tell me I'm self-destructive. Self-destructive? I've been there, done that, and trust me, it wasn't during my single years.

 

at 7/25/2005 12:38 PM  Anonymous said...

That was wrenching, whoever you are. As single members of the church, we're all so conditioned to think of marriage as an idyllic state of being. But while nobody ever deliberately goes into a bad marriage, some of them do turn sour. I'm sure it's much better to be happily single than unhappily married -- thanks for the reminder. And hang in there! I don't know who you are, but you're my new hero!

 

at 7/25/2005 6:27 PM  Anonymous said...

I know that I have remarks on previous threads that sound pretty anti-marriage and anti-children. That is due to my condition that would make me unfit for both unless I had a very kind and patient husband and also someone to help me watch the children as I do not think I would be capable on my own. Well, there are so many eligible people that are not married so I do not think anybody is going to put up with me that I would be interested in. So I do enjoy the nice parts of being single. You get the fun part of spoiling children! I had the opportunity to complete a degree that for me would have been very challenging if I were to juggle that with children. I think my mom had an attitude towards grandchildren that is wise for singles to adopt. She said that people thought she was so sad because she did not have any grandchildren yet-she is almost sixty and her oldest child is 38. She said that she was not going to mourn what was not there. Now that she is a grandma(as of July 5), she is so elated.

 

at 7/25/2005 6:50 PM  fMhLisa said...

I miss going to the bathroom without an audiance.

 

at 7/27/2005 11:08 PM  Anonymous said...

Thanks Cabby!

 

at 8/12/2005 1:16 PM  Braidwood said...

Right now this is interesting to think about because I've been in a longing for a husband/lover phase. But the truth is, whenever I have gotten out of a long relationship- even with all the sadness, there is a rush of freedom that feels like fresh air. I realize HOW MUCH I had unconciously been figuring his schedule and likes and dislikes into my planning. I think when I am married, I will want a month long vacation by myself every year just to get a fresh perspective again.

Other things I like about being single: I can arrange my room however I want to! I can get up early or stay up late. I can cut my long hair very short. I can spend every holdiday with MY family! :) I can go through phases of being anally clean and crazily messy at my pleasure. I can just quit my job if I decide to. (Hallalujah!) and decide to pursue my real dreams.
I can just do whatever the heck I want to whenever I want to. It's fun. :)

 

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