Ministering Angels

"They neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those what are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory."

Monday, February 27, 2006

to kiss or not to kiss

By Lily T

I think there's a window of opportunity to kissing that if missed can never really be opened again. If kissing happens too early in a relationship there's little chance of it growing to anything more substantial than physicality (and before you post an angry disagreement to that statement let me say, I know there are exceptions; my sister married a NCMO and is still very happy seven years later.), but if it happens too late in the game (or not at all) then the situation just becomes an awkward hybrid of "dating friends" where neither person really knows what they are.

My best friend recently dated a guy with whom everything began perfectly. They had been introduced by a mutual acquaintance and liked each other right away. Everything progressed along the natural course: good-night hug, hand holding, cuddling during a movie, so of course the first kiss seemed imminent. But with the next date came a previously unknown awkwardness between them and the kiss didn't happen. Then through a series of rescheduled dates, business trips, and sporadic text messages the budding relationship was downgraded to "friends."

As girls we applied the "he's just that not into you" theory to the boy's behavior and left it at that. There were bystanders at the time who advocated giving him the benefit of the doubt because he really was legitimately busy and truly hadn't seen his "friend from out of town" in a long time ("out of town" and "long time" being relative in this case as the "friend" actually lives just half an hour away from him and had been "in town" just a few weeks before). But the bylaws of the "he's just not that into you" theory are explicitly clear, specifically because of cases like this, and even if they weren't, the possibilities of a relationship forming from this situation decreased dramatically when the kissing window of opportunity closed with nary a pucker to be had.

So when IS the right time for kissing? Let's be honest, no one knows; it's a different for every couple and you can't really put a timeframe on it. But one thing is for sure: once that window closes it's real hard to open again. The next thing to be sure of is debates and conversations about kissing will certainly live on among single members of the Church until the end of time, or at least until the Millennium (when hopefully we'll be too busy to worry about such trivialities, or we'll be given one last chance to choose before we're assigned eternal companions by random just to finally get on with it already!). So we'll have plenty of time research the question further...which will certainly lead us to a conclusive answer!

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10 Comments

at 2/27/2006 12:30 PM Anonymous metoo said...

I married a NCMO too - 11 years later, and we're still blissfully happy and it's still hot. (There IS something to be said for chemistry.)

And I don't believe it's ever too late to introduce kissing. Just take matters into your own hands and give it a whirl. Why not? If things are winding down to occasional dates and text messages as you describe, the relationship is doomed anyway, so you might as well give it a shot.

 
at 2/27/2006 1:16 PM Blogger Stephen said...

NCMO?

I've obviously been married too long.

 
at 2/27/2006 3:07 PM Blogger Lily T said...

NCMO-Non-Commital Make Out

Congratulations on the NCMO success story! I wonder, in cases like yours and my sister's, can it technically be considered NCMO? I've always had a sneaking suspicion the eventual marriage negates the NC part of the equation! :)

I'm not necessarily saying things can't progress after a slow start, but it's been my experience that there is a timing to a dating relationship when it has to grow to being more than just "friends who are getting to know each other." If it doesn't, the chance is usually gone and the fate of being just friends is sealed. I've seen it many times and you're right, it's just a sign the "relationship" is doomed. Whether it's worth giving it a shot is usually determined by the level of seriousness attached to kissing by the two participants.

 
at 2/27/2006 8:03 PM Anonymous WaterCat said...

Hold on. I have to threadjack for a minute. If you get married, it's not a Non-Committal Make Out. If you get married that would be an ECMO(Eternally Committed Make Out) or an FNCMO (Failed Non Committal Make Out), but not NCMO.

If you get married after making out the first time you meet, that means you had to have been in contact again and the LDS equivalent of a one-night stand turned into the non-LDS equivalent of living together (marriage) and the Non-Committal part of NCMO was a complete failure. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 
at 2/28/2006 2:25 AM Anonymous metoo said...

Heh. Well, at the time said ECMO/FNCMO was committed, the intent was no commitment (two good friends getting just a tiny bit frisky), therefore, it qualifies as NCMO. The fact that we FAILED at NCMO and achieved ECMO is just byproduct. :>

We weren't even dating, we were just friends who didn't realize the potential for more was there. We were both fresh out of relationships that progressed in a more typical fashion (friends, dating, more dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, inevitable breakup), and just skipped a few steps and didn't worry about timing. I guess that would by considered a little "loose" to some. But it worked out happily for us.

 
at 2/28/2006 11:18 AM Blogger Lily T said...

Actually, Metoo, I think your situation sounds ideal: two friends finding each other at exactly the right time. Failing at the NC part of the MO is probably what most of us are searching for (excepting the cases where, really, you don't want ANYTHING else from this person).
But I agree with WaterCat, the eventual EC negatates the NC, 'cause you don't get much more committed than eternity!

 
at 2/28/2006 1:46 PM Blogger Sarita said...

Or you could just avoid it all and not kiss.

What I don't understand, is guys always seem to think I want them to kiss me. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice, but the last guy I dated....second date, he takes me home, the night before we had just hung out and talked really, he tells me the car, "You know what I think? I think you wanted me to kiss you last night." Being the brat that I am, I spoke my mind and said "Not really." And he kissed me anyway. He had guts. But that happens way too often (k, not often, but when I actually do find myself in extended proximity to the male gender). They either think I'm way into them when I not and go for it or run away. Maybe I just come off as desperate. I say go with the flow. If things don't happen, so be it.

I'm done now.

 
at 2/28/2006 2:44 PM Blogger Lily T said...

Yeah, you really can't force the situation. I think, for the most part, if the spark is there, it will be noticeable pretty soon. But I've also had spark grow from friendship. Who knows, really?

I feel your pain about being misinterpreted. I really don't like it when guys think and act like they know me when they really don't. And I feel your pain about the "car first kiss" (even though you didn't express this...hee hee). I don't think any first kiss should happen in the car...the positioning is too awkward to get a good reading on if the kissing is worth pursuing. Call me a snob, I'll cop to it.

 
at 3/02/2006 11:52 AM Anonymous Heather said...

first kiss in the car: definitley lacks class. i appreciate the effort a guy can take to figure out a more respectful situation. "stick shifts and safty belts, bucket seats, have all got to go..."

 
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